Seasons and Grief

by Sandy Goodman

The change of seasons is a difficult time for those of us with loved ones on the other side. Memories that have lain dormant for the rest of the year suddenly spring to life and knock us off our feet. Each caramel apple, pumpkin, whiff of wood smoke. Jason with brown juice on his chin, Jason with a huge spoon scooping seeds out of a pumpkin, Jason lighting a fire in the stove. Jason, Jason, Jason. STILL so much a part of my every day life.

As I typed the last paragraph, I felt warm and close to my son who has passed. The memories feel warm and comfortable, not cold and distressing. But I am into my sixth year of grief. It has not always been this way.

In the time I have spent on this journey, I have come to know that Jason exists in another form, one that I cannot see, but he exists, nonetheless. When I accepted this truth, and welcomed it, I began to feel the memories with a smile rather than with sadness. I now know that Jason is able to pull up these same memories and live them all over again as many times as he wants. By remembering them with honor and joy, I invite him into my thoughts and into my heart. He always accepts that invitation.

If you are new to your loss, the change from summer to fall will most likely trigger memories that sadden you. Feel the sadness and then take a minute to look for the love that was present when that memory was an actuality. Reach for it. It is there,waiting patiently for your touch.

LEARNING

The chill in the air
Reminds me of autumns past
When life was so much simpler
and so much smaller.
We worried over your homework
and hunting accidents
and heating bills
and you were oblivious to everything
but how much candy you might get.
Looking back
I think that you were the wise one.
Your worry was about joy
while ours held only fear.
It is not only since your dying
that you have tried to teach me,
but is only since your dying,
that I've begun to listen.

Thanks Sandy, for these beautiful heartfelt messages...

We are so sorry for your loss. Actual human-to-human support will do you a world of good at this moment in time.

Here's a website we recommend you visit for support from others who have experienced a recent loss.

Go to; www.groww.org/chat

Our prayer is for your peace, comfort and healing. You will heal.